Lock the doors and bar the windows

Did you ever have the crazy-ass, older brother who was always in trouble with the law? He's got an addiction problem and gets shit-faced drunk and turns violent? He used to show up at your house late at night and drunkenly threaten you and your mom and sisters, all crazy-eyes, doped up on some shit.

Your mom is too weak and ineffectual to control him and your dad is really just a waste of space and in truth, it was your Dad's habit of always beating your Mom and you and your sisters and his alcohol problem that made your brother so bat-shit crazy to begin with.

Then finally that brother gets thrown in the big-house for several years and you and your family finally feel safe and secure.

That psycho big-brother may be getting his walking papers and might be coming back home to terrorize the shit out of you again. That big-brother is Bush's own mercenary force, the religious-right Blackwater private army, er, security force. Seems like Iraq has had enough of Blackwater playing target practice with their civilians and have revoked their license to hunt human prey.

And just picture your weak, ineffectual mom, who couldn't control your brother, as Congress.

And your dad, the guy who helped to create your crazy-ass brother? Yep. That would be George W. Bush.

This is just what we need: hundreds of thousands of crazy, violent older brothers returning home with an itchy trigger finger.

Check please.

Bush is The Predicter

Rachel Maddow recently had a great riff on a particularly curious portion of Bush's Latest-Greatest Razzle-Dazzle. I just had to look it up for myself. Even for Bush it's a doozy.

So I sat down at the laptop all in a tizzy, ready for the snark and the irony and the vulgarity of it all.

Then I realized, after reading and re-reading this passage, that I had nothing. These statements are so intrinsically ridiculous and mendacious that it's inane to even try to rebut or prove them wrong. Bush is making a series of predictions on what would happen if the US military were to leave Iraq. To be sure, Bush is less Nostradamus and more Barney Fife.

But since I dabble in the inane...

Let's jump right in.

"If we were to be driven out of Iraq, extremists of all strains would be emboldened. "


"...would be emboldened." Is there any debate that extremists of all strains are already emboldened? Am I missing something? Is there a certain strain of Muslim extremist who is like, "Eh, the Americans bombing and killing Muslims for the oil, it's not so bad." And forget the extremists. I'd say about every moderate Muslim is emboldened to kill and destroy Americans by this point.


"Al Qaeda could gain new recruits and new sanctuaries. "

Seriously, what the fuck? Is there any debate that Al Qaeda has already gained new recruits and sanctuaries by our invasion? Not even the wingnuts can deny it. Shit, Bush has said our biggest enemy in Iraq is Al Qaeda.

"Iran would benefit from the chaos..."

Haven't we been saying Iran has been the big winner so far?

"Iraq could face a humanitarian nightmare. "

Okay, this one put me over the edge. The fact that hundreds of thousands of Iraqis are dead; that millions are refugees; that communities have been ethnically cleansed; that a civil war is occurring; that they have no electricity and no clean water and food; that most of the doctors have left the country; that unemployment is over 50%; that they have an increasing infant mortality rate; that their lives are shattered with no hope for any recovery anytime soon.

Bush is saying that since we are there, Iraq is not facing a humanitarian nightmare?

Seriously, what the fuck?

"Democracy movements would be violently reversed."

Such as the US support of Fateh to overthrow the democratically elected Hamas? Such as our support for Musharraf, a dictator vis-a-vis a military coup? Such as our support for the authoritarian leaders of Saudi Arabia? Such as the rumblings of overthrowing the democratically elected President of Iraq?

"We would leave our children to face a far more dangerous world. "

Gee, you thinks so, President Bush? For that you deserve all of the credit. Just consider the US foreign policy for the next generation Operation Blowback.


"And as we saw on September the 11th, 2001, those dangers can reach our cities and kill our people."

Yeah, we saw, Mr. President. We saw you sit there in a classroom full of children not knowing whether you should shit or wind your watch. You screwed the pooch on 9-11 and now you are screwing us. You have robbed us of our treasure and spilled our blood and mortally wounded multiple nations. Including the one you swore to protect.

To recap, according to Bush, as long as we are in Iraq: Extremists will not be emboldened; Al Qaeda will not gain new recruits or sanctuaries; Iran will not benefit; Iraq will not face any humanitarian crises; no democracy movements will be reversed; our children will be safer; and absolutely no attacks will occur on US soil.

In the spirit then, Mr. President, let me look in the crystal ball and make a Bushian prediction:

Regardless of whether we stay or leave Iraq, George W. Bush will be recorded as the single worst President in the history of the United States. History will place him as one of the most dangerous and destructive leaders of the 20th century.

The Soft Underbelly of the Atrophied Warrior Class

Glenn Greenwald has another excellent post exposing the leaders of the American war culture in this country, and it is not pretty. How these Great Warriors came to power, advocating war, while never actually being in a war (or much less the military) is simply astounding. It is the Fred Kagans and Bill Kristols of the world who drive our foreign policy. And their idea of foreign policy can be summed like this: War and more war. Then, more war.

I find these people reprehensible.

Bush says he listens to the Boots on the Ground. I guess those Boots are penny-loafers and the Ground is a berber-carpeted Townhouse in a tony-suburb somewhere.

To the Kagan's of the world, soldiers are really nothing more than game pieces in their Global Game of Risk. Soldiers die in war, they say, because that is what soldiers are supposed to do: die in war. The soldiers die in the wars that Kagan, Kristol, et al, proposed and planned and pushed knowing they would never actually have to see that war or sacrifice for that war.

Penny-loafers are not meant for blood and bits of brain and body parts; they are for accelerating the gas-pedals of their German-made sedans as they rush to make their Oh-So Important Dinner-Date with other Masters of the Universe.

These Great Thinkers swirl around at cocktail parties regaling each other with how insightful they are and with mutual slaps to the back as they sip on a chardonnay and browse through the Robb report envisioning themselves as the Great Warriors here to finally save America from its weak-kneed liberalism and aversion to the Great Everlasting Wars that will finally bring Everlasting Peace.

These Great Thinkers, coddled by corporate-supported Think Tanks, sit at their mahogany desks with a brass bankers lamps and Important Books on their shelves written by other coddled, fleshy, Keyboard Warriors.

They submit white papers and treatises and reports and bask in the glow of their own greatness as they are congratulated and highly-praised by the other incestuous factions in their own little New World Order cabal of The Never-ending War. This war to prove the exceptionalism of the True American Spirit of spreading Peace and Democracy with a gun. Then it's off for a two-hour power lunch with some brandy and a cigar and a massage before a nap. Then it's back off to the cocktail parties and mutton and whiskey and more slaps on the back and woeful tales of sacrifice becaus the new masseuse just wasn't as good as their regular girl.

They are Warriors, they will tell you; instead of an AK-47, their weapon is the keyboard. They sacrifice, they will tell you, because it is hard for them to hear of all of the death on the TV screen. They would go fight, they will tell you, but their talents are better utilized here, protecting the Homeland, with their Ideas and Intelligence.

Marvel at Our Brilliance, they will tell you, Because We Certainly Do!

That these Geniuses have been completely and totally wrong on every single aspect of this War in Iraq does not discount their Brilliance but only amplifies it. Because you see, they were not and they are not wrong, they argue. This war will be won. If only they are listened to and obeyed and praised but most importantly: not questioned.

We, that cut and run crowd, can't see the Truth that they alone possess and only they can see. For they cannot be wrong. It is so decreed - by them. They are the Creators of this reality we are expected to live under. They alone are judge, jury and witness to this war. Progress is being made; we are in fact winning. Therefore, no other conclusion is even possible other than their conclusion. All of the actual facts and evidence to the contrary is nothing but shrill bellyaching from the left-side of the Unserious Spectrum and deserve no attention whatsover. Those who have been correct are not invited to the cocktail parties.

I think if you were to just threaten one of these Great Warriors with serving anywhere near a military zone that their bowels would open up and purge uncontrollably for hours and their weak knees would turn to jelly until they collapsed into a heap of their own putrid waste.

Yet they would still possess their townhomes and sedans and penny-loafers; penny-loafers with no stain of blood or brain or body parts.

The Fountainhead needs new glasses.

I find this article from CNN startling. The headline is as follows:

Greenspan: I didn't grasp subprime threat
Former Federal Reserve Chairman says he didn't see early on the damage that lending to those with questionable credit could do to the economy.

I did a quick Wikipedia search for Alan Greenspan and this is what I found:

...is a wealthy, short-statured retiree who gets into a series of sticky situations as a result of his nearsightedness, compounded by his stubborn refusal to admit the problem. Affected people (or animals) consequently tend to think that he is a lunatic

That sounds about right. Greenspan's policies of being a corporate fluff-girl is stuff of free-market, cultish legend. Kind of puts in perspective Bush's ownership society. Guess we can now call it Bush's Foreclosure Society.

Update: Evidently the above Wiki reference was not of Alan Greenspan, but this character:

Apologies to Mr. Magoo.

Right Said Fred

Too lazy to do anything, but if I were to do something, it would look and sound a lot like Noah's post over at The November Blog . Fred Thompson has really been tearing it up lately. And by tearing it up I mean he has as about as much enthusiasm and wit as a turtle on vicodin that rides the short bus to school, to wit:

You know those friends of yours who, when you ask them a rudimentary political question say something like, "Oh, I don't really pay attention to politics. I couldn't tell you whether President Bush was a Republican or a Democrat. Sorry. What's a 'President Bush?' "Well, Freddie Thompson is now officially one of those people. First he couldn't remember "the details" of Bush's Social Security plan (hint: Freddie, there were no details, just a word: privatization).

To be fair, I think a lot of Republicans are playing Hide and Seek with Bush's miserable failure that was Social Security Privatization. Perhaps Freddie really is emulating Reagan, Alzheimer's and all. We'll know the gig is up if he ever makes it to a Republican debate and his first response is, "There you go again."

Now, he doesn't remember the Terri Schiavo case because “That’s going back in history. I don’t remember the details of it.”Going back in history? All the way back to 2005? Something is very wrong inside the noggin' of Freddie Thompson. I'll let you decide which wrong it is:

Fred Thompson doesn't remember the ghoulish details of his party using a brain-dead woman for political gain (shock, I know)? And that his President cut short his vacation at his villa milking horses to fly across country to sign a bill usurping the power of the state of Florida in favor of the dreaded Federal guvment?

Go take Noah's multiple choice exam to see what is wrong with Freddie's noggin'. (Hint: it can't be "d" because that would mean Fred Thompson is in fact a lamp shade.)

Like, Oh My God! This is So Totally 1980s

Remember when President Bush looked into Putin's soul and declared him America's Best Friend Forever? Well, Pootie-Poot has just exploded a new fangled bomb. Not just any old bomb mind you, but the Daddy of All Bombs. Flush with new oil money, the Evil Empire that Ronald Reagan, armed with only a sling-shot, defeated all by hizself, well, it's BAAAACKKK!!!

In addition to the "Who's Your Daddy Bomb", Putin just fired the entire government weeks before presidential elections. Get those blue fingers ready, y'all!

The Republican chicken-hawks and neocons are having wet-dreams over the thought of a 3-way with Russia and the Islamofacistbadguys. Think about it: after bombing Iran, Syria, Yemen then Iraq again, what's left? Russia opens up so many more possibilities. No, we wouldn't actually bomb them, but think of the hundreds of billions of dollars to build more jets and subs and bombs and bribes and payoffs.

Maybe we'll finally get the long awaited sequel to Valley Girl.

True Newz

Breaking news just released from the wires:

President Bush just gave an impromptu press conference where he announced a major break-through on the Global War on Terror.

President Bush stated, "I am glad to announce that due to my resolve and resoluteness and clarity on the War against the folks who hate our children, we have had a major victory against the suiciders who want to kidnap and torture your grandmothers. In other words, we did somethin' good and I'm looking forward to telling you about it.

First, any guesses on what the news is? Nah, I'm just funning. I'll tell you. Our security forces have finally brought to justice the nineteen suicider pilots who flew them planes into the Trade Center and the Pentagon and that field out there. They are no longer a threat to come here and steal your kidneys while you are sleeping."

A reporter then asked the President what he says to those people who claim that the 9-11 hijackers had died along with everyone else when the planes crashed, the President responded, "Those people who claim that, well, I don't think they hate America. Not all poor people are killers. We are in Iraq fighting folks who want to come here and fiddle-faddle your sister when she's passed out drunk. That's not right, and as President I swore to protect your drunk sister from fiddle-faddling. Now, I'm looking forward to seeing these hijackers brought to justice."

When pressed again on the apparent contradiction that the 19 hijackers were in fact dead and had been dead since September 11, 2001, the President turned and tried to exit through a brick wall and ran into a sign that read: "President Bush, the actual exit is the other way, please turn around before you hit this wall."